ARG! Why The Army Is Making Me Bald
I woke up to the bzzzz of my cellphone as it vibrated next to my bed. "Unknown Name" -crap the army. Can't a guy get at least one day off. It seems every time I get a day off, someone on base decides: "Hmm I'm bored, let's wake Ben up and ask him stupid questions!" Now don't get me wrong, if you ask me a stupid question I'll answer it to the best of my abilities. I won't hold it against you that you're a dumb ass, not everyone can be as brilliant as I am. And I certainly won't mock you to your face, that would just be insensitive. But for the love of God, don't wake me up on my day off to ask me stupid questions!!
I answer the phone:"Ken" (Yeah), "Alo?" (Hello?). It was the new "discipline dude" (not the technical name) on my base. The NCO in charge of discipline on my base has disappeared for the past two+ weeks and so his minion has taken over. Now I get it, the guy is new in the job, give him a little slack but he is incompetent! "Oh I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" "No, it's Ok I had to get up to answer the phone anyway!" What do you think ass hole!? If you call me before 10 on a day off you're going to wake me up, never mind if you call at 8. He tells me he needs a favor, he needs me to come into base and guard this weekend. @#$%!!!!! Why the hell did I answer the phone?! So I told him no, in a slightly nicer tone than I'm speaking in now and tried to go back to sleep. I layed there for about 40+ minutes half asleep half not. BZZZZ! Not again!! It's one of my COs. "Listen, apparently you are written down as the backup for this weekend so you have to come in to guard." What, before you asked me nicely and when that didn't work you decided : "Hmm, I'll flex my muscles and show you who's boss." I said you know what fine, I'll guard but next week when I'm supposed to guard I'm not. He says he'll check it out for me.
I get out of bed, somewhat pissed off about the whole situation but a little relieved I'm going to get the guarding done and over with. BZZZZ! "Yeah?" "Forget it, they don't need you." At least I get to stay home but at the same time pissed of that they keep changing their minds. I'm out of bed already so I figure no point going back to sleep. I'll feel better if I complain to the world, so here I am.
Just wait it gets better. As I'm writing this I hear that annoying sound of angry bees, which has now caused some sort of PTSD. "They need you again." You have got to be shitting me! Get it together people! Make a damn decision! Fine, I'll come in. And so I sat down to finish this post. I'm pissed, cranky and overall not in the best BZZZZ! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! Oh, just my wake up alarm on my phone. Good thing I don't have a gun home cause I would have shot a hole straight through my phone. Where was I. Oh yes...overall, not in the best mood. So now I will go take all the hair I have torn out of my head this morning, sew it into a nice little wig, and go pack my bag to head in to base. Have a good weekend.